Kyle Recounts Absurd Proceedings
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I will not send you spam (unless by spam you mean SPAM® Brand versatile canned meat products, in which case I will send you an abundance1).
9/10 experts2 agree: Emails are worse than dog crap.
Not Anymore!Each week, I will dump KRAP in your inbox... and you'll like it!
This will be the one email you look forward to each week.
I personally4 guarantee it5!
1. Please don't expect me to actually send you SPAM® Brand versatile canned meat products, although I do support their consumption (in moderation).2. By "experts" I mean: "Dogs that I polled by placing a bowl of dog crap on one side of a room and a computer with an open email on the other - 9/10 dogs preferred to sniff the dog crap.3"3. Benji declined to choose and opted instead to passive aggressively lick his testicles.4. By "I personally" I mean: " My legal entity, Absolutely No Guarantees, LLC which protects me from any and all law suits pertaining to guarantees I have made, endorsed, implied, or may make, endorse or imply in the future."5. By "guarantee it" I mean: "state it without conviction."
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